Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Dream

dianthus

It was so windy.  I was preparing to plant something, pink flowers I think, but didn't recognize where I was.  I did so as I would right now, pregnant, in real life.... only scored the ground with a garden fork where I wanted the hole dug, but not doing the digging myself.  Waiting for someone else to do it.  The poked circle in the earth was next to something, I wasn't sure at first.  I heard a whinny from a horse.  Looked up on the horizon to see a small but somewhat threatening Palomino mare staring at me from far away.  Her head low, but eyes fixed on me.  She was extra furry, which indicated her youth.  She charged at me, nearly missing as I ducked to one side.  She charged, but I wasn't entirely afraid. I still felt the need to get out of her way each time. Over and over from all angles she came, one attempt after another.  I thought to get something between myself and her and saw a nearby sapling.  It hardly provided the barricade necessary to keep her from hurting me should she actually trample me the next time, but maybe she would hesitate if the branches distracted her.  I cried for help to my husband.  The desperate kind of cry that you can't make in a dream.  No sound flying from your chords.  Just breath. Pain in your throat from the struggle.

The fear of not being able to make a sound becoming larger than the fear that started you trying.

He woke me up with a rub on the leg and I immediately sat up and said with a fright a mare was charging me, thinking how much she wanted me away from where I was.  Relentless in her pursuit.  He laughed a little and said he heard me trying to get something out in my sleep.  Once he confirmed my attempts for help I remembered that I was planting the flowers next to a grave.

Over coffee, I thought of the only horse that I have ever known, Sadie, my mom's child-hood Quarter Horse.  She was lovely.

I dashed (as much as I am able in my state) through the rain to the car headed for the OB office.  Slow enough to still take notice of the beautiful rows of pink dianthus that are shooting like fireworks in the flower beds after last nights cool, dark rainfall.  As I backed out of the drive, I hit the breaks when I saw in the rear view mirror the sapling that my parents gave to me a few weeks ago from there own Japanese Maple. Potted and waiting to take root in my beds.  Hello young, brave tree.

And I heard her heartbeat today.  Strong, charging. Not unike a mare.  Intent to keep my heart where it needs to be.

44 comments:

  1. always one of the most beautiful sounds.
    I had to put my head on the chest of my two littles so I could hear it again.

    Now long now...blessings to you in this sometimes extra challenging part of growing a new life.

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  2. Wow!! What an intense dream! Glad to hear your precious little one is doing well.

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  3. Oh wow, I felt like I was in your dream. Beautiful story.

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  4. That was intense! I could see everything you wrote. Dreams, scary, fantastic, breath taking at times.

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  5. Oh, heavens... held my breath until that happy ending!

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  6. Goodness, those vivid pregnancy dreams.
    Now I have to wonder if some of those dreams
    might inspire a new line of prints! Could be
    amazing, in your hands.

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  7. I really should have had the title in my mind as I read. I was freaking out. I was like, "she is so fast to keep missing this mare!" Thank God it was a dream. x's and o's!

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  8. Wow! You could be an author of a bestseller!

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  9. What talents you have, a fabric designer and a writer!

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  10. Powerful! You have worked through some deep feelings in that sleep! I think you just named that sapling Sadie :) xoxo

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  11. I totally get this...

    So glad your baby is doing well!!

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  12. super intense. love the peace that can come from the sound of a little heartbeat

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  13. Anonymous12:11 PM

    That relief you feel when you realize "it's all a dream" is so overwhelming but sometimes the dream-feeling is still scary. Be well.

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  14. Pregnant dreams are so intense, and feel so much more...meaningful...than other dreams. You convey that intensity well.

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  15. Anonymous4:02 PM

    Pregnancy dream meets Lenten dream. So disorienting! I had a very intense one this week too.

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  16. Goodness that was intense. you had me in tears.. that precious heart beating. I remember. sending love!

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  17. That was lovely to share.

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  18. What am intense dream. Held my breath till the end. Sending comforting warmth your way xx

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  19. That paragraph had me on the edge of my seat - if it was a novel I would've happily turned the page! Glad to hear it's going OK, pregnant dreams can be so intense. dxx

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  20. Lovely... I find that there are two kinds of dreams: those where we are simply digesting daily events and those that come from another realm to teach/show us where we have been and where we are going. This one definitely sounds like the later.

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  21. I think this dream means your new child is super powerful and strong! beautiful but a bit awe-inspiring, like all the most interesting people. Great dream!

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  22. Wow - you actually had a Night Mare! Fascinating...the entwine-ment of life and death and our lack of control in it all. But that heartbeat, it is all beyond our control. And Sadie is a fabulous name!!

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  23. Hi Anna, I have not paid a visit to your web blog in a very long time. I was not aware you are pregnant with another beautiful baby. Congratulations to you and your family.

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  24. Love the linens your using, so many bright bold prints!

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  25. Beautifully written. Thank you.

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  26. What a nightmare. I was holding my breath.

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  27. So nice to know your baby is just fine. The nightmare was spooky.

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  28. I'm sorry idiots advertising.find the need to post on here...
    What a dream...I was worried at first!

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  29. I am pregnant as well and the dreams I have had are very emotional, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always intense - they were, in fact, the tell tale sign that I was finally pregnant. I'm a tad worried that we haven't heard from you in such a long time, I hope the pregnancy is going well.

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  30. Hope you are well! Been thinking about you a lot. I'm due late August with number 9. Such a joyful time. :)

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  31. What a dream! Hope you are doing well. What an overwhelming time for you.

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  32. Anonymous3:58 PM

    I felt like I was reading an incredible novel....I didn't want it to end!! You need to keep Dreamwriting!

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  33. I can't comment on Instagram, but I wanted to let you know you are in my prayers. Have been for months.

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  34. I think the young mare is the young you challenging you to take up the mantle: you are the head of the family now and the saplings are the next generation that you nurture so beautifully. x

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  35. WE MISS YOU!! SENDING LOTS OF LIGHT AND LOVE TO HOLD AND EMBRACE YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!

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  36. Hoping to hear from you soon. Lots of friends out here in blogland wondering what's going on and praying that all is well.

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  37. Anonymous8:32 AM

    i have been thinking of you so much the last few days and am trying not to be too worried. i hope all is well and that you are just taking some time off from blogging...saying prayers for you though. --Lydia

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  38. Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. She will forever be in your heart.

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  39. Maybe the mare was your mother, or rather your grief about your mother. And the sapling was your baby. You had to put the sapling between you and the mare; maybe your mother wanted your baby to come before your grief. New beginnings instead of fear.

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  40. What a beautiful rendition of your dream! I so loved your mother. She was such a gentle spirit. I have to think that the mare was more your grief about the loss of your mother. She could never have been the mare itself. I do see the sapling being your beautiful new daughter, and I believe sweet MaryLynn will show herself in that new baby girl in many ways. You will never be without your mother.

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  42. I appreciate your blog post, beautifully expressed and well written.

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