:: In 2011 ::

I guess this is becoming an unofficial ritual with myself as I reflect on the year, no order of importance, some restating, some revelations, but each entry a recollection of what it was to live and breath through another year as me.

In 2011...

:: I became particularly practiced at goodbyes to my oldest without tears

:: I realized that the reason we had to say goodbye so often was because we said several hellos, through many -sometimes quick but always welcome- trips, and that is good.

:: Through trips, calls, texts, emails, skypes, phone photos, I discovered that I am as needed (maybe more) as always.

:: I traveled to the other side of the country alone for the first time ever for 3 days (within 15 minutes of arriving my sweet husband called from the emergency room to ask me Roman's birthdate - Roman had fallen off of Isabela's shoulders and hit his head on the concrete- I think my reply to Jeff's question was something like"what's his birthdate? which one of you hit your head?")

:: I never questioned whether my husband needs me.

:: I tore through walls, erased hundreds of pencil lines on graph paper, crossed fingers and built the home studio I've dreamed of since I was a young girl.

:: I felt guilty for having the above pleasure.

:: I felt ridiculous for feeling guilty and felt I had earned it.

:: (Repeat the above two entries numerous times.)

:: In the midst of a very busy home life, bustling work, building the studio, anticipating much upcoming travel, a quiet and very small secret revealed itself in the form of expecting a new life.... our 7th.....

:: We were overwhelmed.

:: We were bewildered.

:: I walked into the lobby of my doctor's office and saw an old man pruning dead foliage from the plants. My optimistic heart sank and I couldn't get the image out of my head.

:: We were humbled. It was first day of Lent- a day we call Clean Monday- I learned that was the state of my womb- clean. Just like that. Gone.

:: I stood sobbing in the empty, cavernous, gutted, cold, raw wood structure that was to become my dream studio. I wanted to give it all away.

:: I felt, as blessed as I have been, that I would never be quite as happy as I once was. And for weeks and weeks (months) it was so.

:: Somewhere, I healed. I don't know how or when. Somewhere, deep in prayer, it is not a loss, but an enrichment of sorts, a connection and a faith in someone I cannot see, but know is there. Always.

:: I felt peace.

:: I loved my children more than ever.

:: I was cared for.

:: I was loved.

:: I was inspired.

:: I made so many little hand stitches in every sort of fancy direction, and for the first time I created products to help others do the same. This brought me such an immense joy and fulfillment in my work. Another dream come true.

:: I realized how happy I am to not be in college.

:: Having interns taught me that, as well as how much I've learned since being out of college.

:: I hope I became a better boss.

:: My husband left me in awe of his determination, and relentless dedication to outdo his own physical efforts.

:: I was encouraged to do barely scratch that surface but build my own endurance and health through running. What a difference it makes.

:: I toiled in my garden more than ever, but so far have only grown good soil, which has me so looking forward to spring.

:: My parents made the first step towards moving to Nashville to be near us, and I am simply giddy every time I think that they could be just a few minutes away.

:: I saw changes in each of my children that are hard to quantify.... hard to name or to attribute, but overall just a growth that makes each so much more of who they are, in a fuller, more rendered and beautiful realization.

:: I learned what a privilege it is to witness it.

:: I sit here tonight, just a few minutes shy of midnight, all alone on New Year's Eve- I guess for the first time in my life. Jeff took all the kids, save Roman, for a night of roller skating. I kept Roman up well passed his bedtime to soak up as much cuddling, and kissing, and loving as he could take. As it turns out, he can take quite a lot, and that works out just perfectly since I have more than necessary to offer. I think this year has been nothing if not a steady stream of arrivals and departures. I imagine that is just the very engine that is our lives together and independently. Today Jeff worked on the final caulking for the structural columns of our home. It was so sunny and unusually warm. He carefully sealed up every last little seam and nail hole, wiped them clean, ensuring they would weather well. So I guess our roof should stand for at least another year, God willing.

I have never felt less alone on a New Year's Eve. I am blessed. I have joy.

I wish you all the same in 2012,

lots of love, Anna Maria xoxoxox

From Our House...

...to Yours. Thank you for making my days twinkle all year.

We wish you a joyous Christmas and blessed holidays shared with those you love.

With lots of love from the Horner House: Anna, Jeff, Juliana, Nicolas, Joseph, Isabela, Eleni, Roman, and Leo the puppy. xoxoxo

Sunday Paper

Next on my list: wrapping presents, making sugar cookies, folding laundry, paying a plumber.

xoAM

Looking Up

Feeling so much better. Antibiotics don't hurt. Nor do candy canes, twinkling lights, sparkling snowflakes, homemade cookies, happy children home for break, cuddley overgrown puppies, loving husbands, squishy pillows, warm quilts or hot tea with honey.

Where shall I have your prescription sent?

xoxoAM

Hello, Friend.

Yesterday I woke up with an aching head, stuffy nose, sore throat and a bubbly 2.5 yr old boy in my bed that didn't quite get it. I kissed each kid off to church with their dad, and I stayed in bed as long as I could. Once just laying there was driving me crazy I got up and took as much legal medicine as possible (its really all I have) to feel a little better than absolutely horrible.


Somewhere after the medicine and some black mint tea, I started realizing that I was alone in the house and could possibly have some quiet time with a glue gun (as opposed to chaos time with a glue gun where I try to prevent it from ending up on my rug or someone's delicate skin, which amounts to me plugging it in and out of the wall about 80 times in a 30 minute period and always waiting for it to heat up to do any little dab). Ahem. So working on a twig wreath that I've had for years and never really knew what to do with seemed like a manageable task. In my jammies and wooly slippers. Sipping tea.



I simply used some Christmas-y craft leftovers. But when I was done, something (maybe the medicine) told me it needed printed paper. So I tore pages out of an already torn book and wrapped them around these sort of balloon-on-a-wire-stem sorta ornament things that ended up to looking something like a trumpet or a newspapered ice cream cone or a bulbous tulip, erhhh I don't know what. But I liked it. And today, cold-medicine-free, I still like it. So its a keeper.

Thanks for listening. More tea?

OH!

My friends at Janome are doing a big, fat drawing in an effort to reach 20,000 likes on their facebook page. Entering to win (things like machines, patterns, fabric and more x 2 so that you and a friend can share) involves just two things: (1) read their blog posts each day this week about their "friends" -today happens to be me ... awwwwe, and leave a comment on the post to enter to win. You can keep leaving comments each day to increase your chances. But the real deal is (2) to also like Janome's facebook page, and as soon at they hit the 20,000 friend mark they will draw a winner. Could make a great gift for you!

back to Advil, your friend, Anna

Loukoumades & Sunshine

16 past noon on Saturday. All of our ornament & decking boxes are piled up on the dining room table. Sunshine is pouring in. Loukoumades are rising on the kitchen counter. Under a towel I made more than 3 years ago, which has held up quite nicely. I'm so glad I've used it. I hope we have enough honey. Getting the tree today.

xo, AM

Answers To Questions You Didn't Ask

(photo is one corner of the girls new room do over, more soon)

:: Candy Cane JoJo's + coffee = breakfast (my own special mathamathicals)
:: Cookie Crisp cereal was eaten at lunch yesterday by someone.
:: And potato chips were layered into a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for dinner.
:: Okay, it was me.
:: My appetite is 9 years old lately.
:: I'm not pregnant.
:: Nicolas will not put the guitar down.
:: That is generally good except
:: There is no other first song to learn on the guitar except Smoke on the Water (or CatScratchFever depending on your generation. But its the same song (almost) and it doesn't seem to ever go away.)
:: He did teach himself the Tetris theme music which is awesome except
:: It makes me anxious and want to organize everything in the house to maximize space.
:: Kristen Wiig could be the funniest person on the planet.
:: Roman met our friend the Question Mark.
:: It started at my brother's house over Thanksgiving when I asked Roman to pull up his little pants and he looked at me with a sideways face, held his palms to the ceiling and said "why, mommy?"
:: Its the cousins' fault.
:: Though he has lately upgraded to ?.2.0 with phrases like "wha happin mommy?"
:: Sometimes you just have to fill your husband's Amazon shopping cart to get what you want and feel no shame.
:: Isabela, the other guitarist, has pre-warned me that she won't be getting her hair out of her face for her upcoming guitar recital
:: I am so conflicted on the inside.
:: Her face is pretty, I like seeing it.
:: But so is her will, I like feeling it.
:: We may meet in the middle with clean, shiny, brushed and in her face.
:: Planning 7 handmade gifts for your family on December 6th is chance-y.
:: That reminded me I have work to do.

:: Should you like to read through some answers to questions I really was asked, you can go visit with me at my friend Bari's lovely embroidery site called welovefrenchknots (yes we do!!!)

have a good day poopsieschmoos. xoxo, Anna

Night Lights

Yes, its normal to want to go straight to your local craft store now and purchase glitter.

No, its not normal after doing so to think about what your yellow lab (insert any human, pet, automobile or piece of furniture here) would look like with some glitter. You must inhale just enough during your projects to mess up your brain a little.

Last night we ooohhhed, ahhhed and barely blinked we were so excited to try every next color. Totally worth the line at Michael's that stretched to the back of the store.

xoxoxo, fluttery eyelashes and glittery kisses to you, AM & the sparkle team

(burnt lightbulb rehabilitation program found here)

Doing This, Thinking That

Post Disclaimer: All photos reference the THAT of which I am thinking and not the THIS of which I am doing. There are too many THISs to photograph.

Doing:: Replacing six 10 1/2 ft structural porch columns on the front of our house :: waiting impatiently to have this installed in the dining room :: and two of these and one of these in the hallway :: attending to the lingering details in Nicolas's room and the girls' room after having renovated both :: considering which day to buy our Christmas tree and therefore decorate the whole house

Thinking:: About picking up all the little sunshine crochet squares I started last winter on the couch with Juliana and lots of Whoppers :: Wondering if I need all those things again to be able to do it :: Yes, I do :: I was originally inspired by an amazing blanket that I saw either on etsy or flickr or both.... I think by a talented (Northern?) European woman.... and she had it styled on a modern gray couch.... anyone? I have seen several of course that are similar, but her color choices were unusually gorgeous....Please post a link in the comments if you know what I'm talking about :: Of course you can post anything you want even if you don't know what I'm talking about too :: Which is always the case, really :: EDITED to add- found it!!! Thank you Anonymous commenter :: My first inspiration was found at Sandra Juto's marvelous site :: I can go on living now :: This is a gorgeous photo here



Doing:: Putting the finishing touches on my first pattern for Janome - the Patchwork Prism Quilt :: getting to the homestretch of my first two published-and-soon-to-be-for sale-embroidery collection patterns :: finalizing colorways for more ribbons :: hooking up my new printer so that I can send off the final prints for my next fabric collection :: wearing wooly slippers

Thinking:: That I maybe should have created these crochet squares with the continuous joining method that I found here today while looking for the original inspiration source of the blanket :: Genius in that it saves the white round for last so that you can crochet it and attach them at the same time without having to sew in any yarn ends from the stitching step :: Maybe it would look weird now to finish the blanket with two different methods :: Maybe I should save that for the next one I want to make substituting all the white with something dark :: Grey



Doing:: Interrupting my work several times a day to search presents I'm on the hunt for :: Sending anonymous gift ideas to Jeff using Evernote :: Choosing flannels to make scarves for the girls :: Drinking room temperature coffee and weighing the option of walking downstairs to heat it up

Thinking:: About how much I would like to eat cheese and crackers on the couch while crocheting more sunshine :: It could tie me over until I buy whoppers and Juliana is home :: The THAT that you want to do is always so much more entertaining than the THIS that you're in the midst of:: Until of course the THAT has been a THIS for a few hours

goodweekendxoAM