Friday, February 19, 2010

Taken by Juliana

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Juliana completed the last of her art school applications today. In addition to sending in her portfolio, essays and applications, each school has additional projects required. For Parsons, the challenge was to find one thing in your environment that you've overlooked or taken for granted and share it from three perspectives, then write about each. When she read this project aloud to me, I insisted she takes me for granted more than anything in her environment. But I was kidding. But she got that look in her eye. But I wasn't wearing any make-up. But she always waits till the last minute and didn't have time to think of anything else. But I was really tired and hadn't even brushed my teeth yet that day or washed my face or brushed my hair. But I got her a new camera for her 18th bday and she was feeling really snappy. But. But. Okayuhh.

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These are just the photos that she used as a basis for her drawings that I am too nervous to share here until after she gets accepted everywhere. But her writing about the images, was, well surprising. She really does love me. She called me things like her fellow artist and friend. She isn't suppose to do that at 18 is she? Oh that stinker, tugging at my heart as she prepares the very process of leaving me. How could she?!

portrait.profile

She also wrote about family resemblance, my hair always being in this "work" mode, how much she can learn from me and other things that she will explain like, well, "I had to write something" if you ask her about it. But then she snickers and looks away.

And then my heart breaks a little more.
Only because its swollen with so much love and pride to an indescribably gigantic size that it could explode.
Have a good weekend. Look around you and don't take anything for granted.
xoxo, From your friendly guilt-trip inducing mother

163 comments:

  1. This is so inspiring. I remember when I was getting ready for college and the feeling of leaving home and my mom and sigh..... She's so talented. You're heart is swelled for such good reason. She'll be just fantastic.

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  2. That is so sweet! I also remember preparing to leave for college and just feeling "torn" it's a hard thing for both parents and children, it really is!

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  3. you two are inspiring. In oh so many ways. xoxo

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  4. I had this same moment just last year...it's so hard to let them go but then such pride because they're using all that you taught them to make their own way in the world. One more year and I'll say good-bye to my last one. Makes me weepy just thinking about it.

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  5. OK, there are tears in my eyes now!
    Mom

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  6. Elisabet10:28 AM

    good luck for Juliana
    Ibet my mom felt the same when I left.

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  7. The whole story, photos and all, is beautiful. Never underestimate the mother/child bond. We all want our Mommy at different times in our adult life, don't we?

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  8. "work mode" makes my ever-present ponytail feel on-purpose. Can I use that?

    and, thanks for the guilt trip.

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  9. I think all mothers are getting lumps in their throats just reading this, I am! You are beautiful, made up or not. I have not yet thought about the day my beautiful baby boy will leave my nest... I have those apron strings wound tight! ;)

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  10. ohhh, that is just wonderful. It is amazing to "sit in someone else's shoes" for a bit. Cheers to you mom for raising such a polished young person! Thanks for sharing this special time.

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  11. You should be proud you raised such a wonderful human :)

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  12. Beautiful pictures!! My sweet daughter is away at college this year, and she has let me know that she realizes how she took me for granted! I love that girl!
    Libby

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  13. I think that was a great idea. I love the pictures, wishing her the very best!

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  14. Brought tears to my eyes and guilt to my heart. I take my three kids for granted for sure...

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  15. I wish my dear Mum was here to still share my life. Wonderful pictures ans idea x
    Kindest Regards Linda

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  16. I hope Julianna gets into every school she applies to! She obviously doesn't fall far from the tree! This is such a special time for both of you -- enjoy every moment!

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  17. The beauty that lies beneath the superficial radiates. I see purpose and resolve, timeless strength and integrity. We have the good fortune to see the beauty of your *public face,* and of your art and creativity; your children get that and very much more. Obviously Julianna knows and appreciates substance and genuine beauty.

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  18. oh so much beauty in this post. thank you for sharing this mama thoughts while also sharing these incredible photos your daughter took of you. i learn so much from the pieces you share here...

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  19. Oh Anna Maria. You are beautiful, just like that. Through the eyes of your daughter.

    Good luck with the applications!

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  20. Thank you, such a beautiful and moving post.The photographs are lovely, gorgeous. The smocking on your blouse adds such lovely texture and shading to the image.

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  21. Lots of emotion, anticipation, separation anxiety, excitement for both of you...coming at you each in different ways... I predict your relationship with your daughter will remain strong and special. It will just be different. I have walked this road three times. It will be bumpy these next few months. Best wishes to you both!

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  22. I love this post. You are beautiful in these pictures. I love how natural they are. I cannot wait to hear about Julianna's future. She is at such an exciting point her life. Aaaah, youth. Thanks for sharing this.

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  23. life with children.... it makes life colorful, educational, and richer than anything we could of ever imagined.

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  24. So beautiful - both she and yourself.

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  25. Oh my, kudos to your Julianna - great work - you must be very proud! LindaSonia

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  26. I think you look beautiful in those pictures--I am a natural kind of gal--also, because that is how your daughter will always remember you. Priceless.

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  27. Precious, what a blessed Mother you are!

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  28. I keep trying to type something and stop-- so I won't. It's all very beautiful and aching to me.

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  29. AM, the pictures are beautiful and the story is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it here, with us!

    It is a joy to read what our children write,their stories don't change over time as they grow older, just that the details get more...defined.

    Your daughter referring to you as her "fellow artist" and "friend" says so much! Enjoy the journey of her words getting more defined...with a box of tissue!

    ~Jes

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  30. you two just made me cry. thanks. :P

    parsons, ey? that would be pretty darn fantastic! especially if such a special project got her in.


    wishing you both all the best during this exciting time.

    <3 karo

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  31. What a beautiful post and what moody photographs! You remind me of a strong pioneer woman in them. They're like the darker complement to your Little Folks collection.

    I can't wait to see the drawings. She's already a great talent!

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  32. These photographs are so beautiful. It is so sweet how supportive you are. My senior year in high school, my mother and I fought almost every day about where I would go to school.

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  33. She has talent your big daughter.

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  34. I love reading about your journey. I'll be going through this in 4 years. I can't imagine my 13 year old boy, or especially me, being ready for that. And he's probably going to go to art school too. He has that same relationship with has artist father. Heavy sigh.

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  35. Angela2:27 PM

    My daughter went to college last Fall...it has been an adjustment (of course we only have one teen-age son where you have five more children (!))...I love your blog...you are such an inspiration!

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  36. Beautiful, beautiful.
    I can't wait to be a Momma.
    Cause these days I am just the one who left my own Momma's nest the farthest.
    I must go call her right this second.

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  37. Wow on so many levels. Wow cuz I would've threatened Jennifer for getting a camera near me before I prepped. Wow cuz I would've still had my jammies on. And wow cuz your daughter is amazing. Remember...guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.

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  38. just beautiful - ughh! You have me crying like one of those tear-jerker NBC Olympic stories :-)

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  39. I am of firm belief that your crazy teenagers turn back into real people about 18-19....so sounds like she is on her way. I love the black and whites....so "pure and simple!"

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  40. Julia3:45 PM

    Beautiful pictures, especially the last one of you looking out the window. Of course she really "does" love you - how could she not, you sound like the most awesome wonderful mom.

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  41. A lovely post in every way!

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  42. wow. what a lovely post. thanks for sharing. and good luck to your daughter!

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  43. Gorgeous. So real, especially the last two. Powerful photography made doubly meaningful because of the context and essays at this time in her life. Brava!

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  44. i think for all the knocks parenting takes in this country, for all the times people document the tough and the wrong and the hard....there should be a post like this, where a mama gets to reap the benefit of what she has done...you have helped grow a child to a woman and you have obviously done it very very well.

    i had a discussion with my dad this morning where we were talking about the goals my parents had for their lives. he said th central one was to raise healthy and happy and successful children, successful in pursuing their dreams...and they have. best role models ever, they are.

    and apparently, so are you.

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  45. If you get a chance, listen to Suzy Boggus' song, "Letting Go."

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  46. Of all the blogs I follow, your blog truly is my favourite. I think it is because of the way you are so open about your home and family and the love that is shared between you all. I think it is because I hope that is what our little family will grow to become... You have a truly inspiring life. You should be very proud of the mature, artistic and thoughtful daughter that you have raised.

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  47. You're really an amazing writer and talented on so many fronts. Your posts always surprise me. No wonder your children are so gifted!This is the kind of parent/child relationship I aspire to. I find it so, so wonderful that you so value her friendship.

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  48. This made me tear up because I miss my mom:*( She only lives two hours away but still... It's funny how after you reach about 20 your mother becomes this best friend you've always had but never realized it. At least it was that way for me. These photographs are beautiful; sort of simple and haunting. You look far, far too young to have an 18 year old daughter!

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  49. God has truly blessed us here below in the way that he has allowed us to be mothers. Thank you for sharing how beautiful your relationship is with your beloved daughter... My oldest who is a girl is turning 17 this year and life is so precious yet hard as I know we are nearing where you now are... God Bless You and all your family!

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  50. Okay. OKAY! Enough with the tearjerkers. My oldest girl is only 5 and I already want to stop time just so I can hold her a few more minutes. This was really precious. Thanks for sharing.
    Anna

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  51. This is just such a beautiful post, thank you.

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  52. This is the time of your life when your head won't cooperate with your heart... It's almost time to let go.

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  53. So we are supposed to give them wings, right? These next months are going to be tough. Hang in there!
    My daughter/friend left for college/grad school/marriage/husbands PhD eleven long years ago.
    Oh, the wait. She's moving back in July!!!

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  54. I like the third B&W photo. Very contemplative. You have a strong, sculptural profile captured beautifully by Juliana. She has her mother's artistic eye!

    Oh, to be going off to college again...how exciting! But, I'm sure it is heart-tugging to watch your biggest "little bird" leave the nest.

    Best wishes to you both during this art school application process!

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  55. honestly, you always are so poignant when you write about the kids...I absolutely love it! Our oldest is a year behind Juliana...but so far has no plans to move far away..that I know of...but he is growing up to be a fine young man that will have his own life out there...and I think it just might be a really good one. Thanks for sharing your heart like this...it always warms mine right up...

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  56. I think it's a common theme in child-rearing - their new found independence always comes hand in hand with something that makes your heart melt and want to hold them closer. Be it babies learning to crawl away just as they discover the cutest way to giggle and say "Mama" or new adults moving out at the same time as expressing how much you mean to them. *sigh* Motherhood.

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  57. Beautifully written Anna --
    Do our kids REALLY appreciate us???? When most days I feel like they always take us for granted -- I'm so glad I visited your blog this morning! I needed to hear your words of motherly wisdom!~
    I can't stand that Juliana will be going away after graduation! Thank God (truly) that you have 5 other precious kids to keep you busy!

    We miss you all!!
    p.s. you look beautiful as always ~ alicia

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  58. Such beautiful portraits! I can't wait to see her drawings.

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  59. Wow! The photos are so open, bare. They share a lot of you and what you share with your daughter and your bravura in sharing everything with us. They are beautiful and so is your precious one who follows your path. Hugs to you both for finding the beauty in eachother.

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  60. Absolutely beautiful in so many ways. (the portraits) and your story is heart wrenching. Now I know what I have to look forward to....*sigh*......let's enjoy every moment when they are little! (remind me of this when it's 10 'o clock at night and I am tripping over a room full of toys, and I'm tired and just want to flop into bed) LOL~
    Hugs,
    Laurie

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  61. LOVE! HOw blessed you are! (my 19 yo son gave me a charm bracelet and the heart shaped charm was engraved "I Love You Mom".....)They really do. Its so hard to let them fly off isnt it?! ART school! Made my heart pitter patter. I remember getting accepted. Was never able to attend tho. My dad dint want to come up with the money. I am still an artist tho'. No one can take that away from me.

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  62. Beautiful and perfectly inspired. I love how she sees you in these photos. There's a bareness and truth to them.

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  63. I don't know how you made it through reading that without bawling your eyes out! It made me a bit teary over here...probably just thinking about the circumstances under which I left home at 18. You've got a lovely daughter there :-).

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  64. i love the photography, but i must say it dosen't feel like you without a smile or color, i just don't see you when i see black and white :)but like i said the photography itself is beautiful, good job juliana!

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  65. Wow, this is so beautiful. And so fitting that such an amazing mother would raise such an amazing daughter.

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  66. Anonymous1:37 PM

    Your title to this post says it all. A part of your heart will be "taken by Juliana." The good thing is that you can know she has a part of your heart always with her as she begins this new chapter to her life...it will guide her and keep her safe as she enters each new adventure. My grown daughter has told me she often hears my heartfelt words when she is making choices. Treasure the bond you and Juliana have built, and cherish every moment you have together. Kristy in Ohio

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  67. Anonymous7:25 PM

    beautiful.
    thanks for sharing such a post.
    i especially appreciated it as i just welcomed my first daughter into the world this week :)

    kelly h

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  68. These photos are so hauntingly beautiful. I so love that you don't have makeup, and haven't brushed your teeth. Or any of that. This is the mother she knows. And the mother she'll remember.
    Even though you were joking about her using you as her over-looked environment, I am so sure (positive in fact) that it meant so much to her to be able to write those things down. And that one day, many many many many years from now, she will hold these photos and those written raw real words in her hand and head and heart.
    And she'll have something tangible and beautiful and real and honest to remember and smile and love and cry and laugh.
    {This March will be the 8th anniversary of my mother's death. And one thing that always stays in my mind is that I never really got to tell her, how much she was to me. To tell her that even though so many times I took her for granted - that I do appreciate every single part of her.}

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  69. That's honesty all around - for both you and her. It sounds like you've raised a wonderful girl.

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  70. Lovely pics, so beautiful.

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  71. Oh You made me cry! And I never cry! (I say that every time I cry...)
    You're beautiful.

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  72. These honest pictures are touching me so.
    Thank you for all that honesty!

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  73. As our oldest child is sixteen, my thoughts are often on how he will remember his parents and what he will take with him on his journeys.
    It sounds like you will forever be with your daughter no matter the physical distance and that is beautiful.
    Warm wishes,
    Tonya

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  74. I was so excited about leaving for college that I am pretty sure it hurt my Mom's feelings. It was not until later that I realized how much I missed them and made a point of telling them over and over how lucky I was (and am).

    The photos are lovely--best of luck to your daughter this is such an exciting time in her life!

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  75. I've told my 14 yr old I am following her. That's the only way I will manage. I'm guessing she will put the kibosh on that idea though.
    Dana

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  76. What beautiful photos :o)

    I love the story behind them - it makes me feel a little better to know that maybe my teen won't hate me for the rest of her life lol!

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  77. if you don't have it, please go out and get sara groves cd station wagon. the song "small piece of you" is a gem. your entry on guilt/being overlooked so reminds me of that song. here's to holding them close and letting the roam!

    p.s. the other day i saw a woman in a baltimore mall with the cutest tie on organizer made for her walker. it was made out of anna maria horner fabric!!!

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  78. very ma ingalls with the braid. i love your relationship with your baby.

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  79. Anonymous5:47 AM

    Congrats on raising the wonderful adult you didn't even know you had in your own house.

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  80. Anonymous2:48 PM

    good kid!!! NOW PUT YOUR MAKEUP BACK ON !

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  81. Lauren8:46 PM

    My gorgeous girl turned 25 yesterday and has just moved to a job only 3 hours away by car. After her being more than 1000 miles away for college and work for the last 7 years, I am over the moon to be able to see her more often. However, my 19 year old son returns to college tomorrow and the house will be an empty nest again. I know we have to let them go, but it takes some getting used to. Best wishes to you and lovely girl as a new phase of life starts for you.

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  82. Ahhh, the art school applications - HEADS UP - Parsons acceptance letters come in a small envelope - the kind you expect with a sorry, you're not Parsons material. I was devastated when I saw the size of the envelope, we were all crying - her dream crushed - WAIT - accepted! Yea! Small envelopes should not be allowed! My daughter is in her freshman year at Parsons - she LOVES it! Best of luck!

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  83. Anonymous7:13 AM

    I adore those pictures,you look so beautiful! She has captured your outer beauty but your inner soul. Only your daughter could do that. Daughters are wonderful, I have one and she is my only perfect creation.

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  84. this is gorgeous.
    good luck to julianna!

    i remember this same project from when i was applying to parsons! what an exciting time!
    what is she looking to study there? it was wonderful, challenging, exhausting, exhilarating and overwhelming!

    good, good vibes and luck to her!

    www.sarahwaldo.com

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  85. I am in tears reading your post. My 18 year old baby boy has applied to art school, too. He changed his mind about Parsons which makes me a little sad, but he got in to Ringling, VCU and Columbia College in Chicago so far which is a nice feeling. He wants to focus on illustration and Ringling is supposed to be one of the best in the country, so now to see if we can pay for it.
    I hope my baby boy feels about me the way your baby girl feels about you.
    What a nice experience for you even if it is in preparation for her to leave you.
    That part is so sad but so exciting, too!

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  86. Tears in my eyes. Beautiful. It speaks to your role as Mother, Mentor, and Friend. Well done, mama.

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  87. No matter the "no make up" you frame these and keep her writing because it is priceless!

    (you have beautiful bone structure anyways)

    Thank you for sharing it!

    come visit
    http://dlynyesterday.blogspot.com/

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  88. Oh I shouldn't read posts like these when I'm pregnant. They make me cry. I'm so sad she's ready for college. Who does she think she is growing up so fast?!

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  89. you are so beautiful and she captures it perfectly. there is a family resemblance. the first time i saw a photo of you, i wanted to know your secret. you don't look old enough to have an 18 year old!

    i hope my relationship with my daughter continues down the path to posts like yours.

    nicola
    http://whichname.blogspot.com

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  90. I am only a few years ahead of you with this mother-daughter thing. And it just keeps getting better.
    I am currently recovering from jet lag after my whirlwind trip to Seoul, South Korea. My 23 year old daughter gave me an unforgetable week of fun, companionship, and love. We both blogged about it and I am so glad I have those posts to go back and re-read. I miss her!
    You write well.

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  91. Not only do you look more beautiful than most people without makeup, this was an inspirational look at a teen that adores you obviously! It just goes to show you what a wonderful mom you were and still are. Thanks for sharing such a private moment between the two of you. This is one of the reasons I come back to blogs again and again. It is much appreciated.

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  92. i have a little girl who
    is about to turn 3.
    my heart breaks when i
    think about how tiny she
    was at birth...(5.75 lbs)
    she is nowhere near going
    away to college but i miss
    her already.
    i hope that she sees me the
    way your baby sees you...
    you are beautiful.

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  93. Sooo incredibly beautiful...both you and the way your dear girl portrayed her love and admiration for you. Thank you for sharing this moment...I pray for the most favorable of outcomes for her and the applications :)

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  94. Wow...what a beautiful post. Left me in tears. With my oldest about to turn 21 in a couple of days and my littlest just turning 3 I completely get it. This left me in tears because I never new my heart could swell as you say. Your daughter is a reflection of all your work ....great job mom,"fellow artist, friend"!

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