Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Maybe my favorite word: Beginning

crochet.corner

Juliana, Jeff and I were able to sneak just the 3 (erh, I guess I count as 2, so 4) of us to Manhattan for several days while the rest had farm days at Grandma's house over spring break. Consider this my excuse note for the blog principal. Main intention being getting an early look at Parsons for Juliana, but, of course mixed in with plenty of eating, shopping, training, cabbing, with the bonus of spending every night with my brother George and his family on Long Island. And the double-dog bonus of getting to eat my brother's homecooked meals at each day's end. But it was a beginning of sorts. The beginning of taking a proactive approach to finding a college home for the big bub. This is new. We can talk all we want, but move, and fly, and gather information books, and talk with counselors, and tour? Really? Are we sure? Okay.

rippling.with.rain

The trip was filled with such a range of emotions, most of them excitement and promise and interest. But please. I really don't mean to dote on the teenage-mom-now-has-teenage-daughter and has-found-herself-pregnant-and-filled-with-misty-eyed-ironic-thoughts theme but, spare me another will you? Standing in the welcome center at the school I found a few people sort of staring at me, or the 3 of us, like maybe they were trying to figure it out. I asked Jeff why he thought people were kind of looking, and he casually blamed it on my belly. Which, naturally, transported me back to the welcome center at Ringling where I was the subject of several stares aimed at my mid section, only I was the enrolling student pregnant with the young woman I now had next to me who was soaking in the whole scene in the middle of Greenwich Village. And it made me giggle and, of course, share the thought with my cohorts.

for.us

Later in the day, when we had moved on to the part where my back was aching, my feet were swelling, and I wobbled towards anything that smelled good, (I think they call this shopping but I seem to have forgotten how that's done lately, unless you could say I was furniture shopping as I seemed to be looking for chairs everywhere we went) Jeff and I found ourselves in a coffee shop. No Juliana. We had all sort of reprogrammed ourselves after a few hours to allow her some lingering interludes in this or that store on her own, armed with the map in her blackberry and only a few calls to us with phrases like, "I walked all the way up to 7th and didn't see UO!" and with replies from me, like "that's because you walked right past it before you even reached 6th - open your eyes, bub - we'll meet you there in about 30 minutes" And in that span, sitting there, just us, I realized what we were really at the beginning of. Seeing her off. And I confessed into my sweet husband's eyes that whether she travels 10 miles down the road or 950 miles up the country, I will bite into a bitterness in those days. You can hardly say my nest will be empty, still fuller than most, but new, and the beginning of something else. Maybe the beginning of her. Just like she was the beginning of me.

hooked

The ripple went with me all the way there and back and has ended up to be a larger blanket than I had originally planned. But rather than just a blanket for baby, I thought it should be a blanket for us. To warm the two of us during sleepless nights when the house is just ours. I don't know why its taken me so long to learn, but each new life in this house is also the beginning of a new family, a new mother, a new father. And each new phase of our children's lives seems a chance to either cry over the one that was traded out or cheer on the first steps on a new path. You can call it optimism, but I am thinking of it these days as simply emotional survival.

And thank you so much for letting me say so. xo,AM

147 comments:

  1. Tiffany11:39 AM

    So beautiful thanks for sharing with us! My oldest is only seven and I can barely part with her each day for school, can't imagine sending her to college! It is spring break and we are loving it and sewing all kinds of things for her American Girl doll, I wish everyday could be this fun. Tiffany

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  2. I got goosebumps and teary eyes reading this. Thank you for sharing those feelings and thoughts with us.

    Much love to you!

    xxx Karo

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  3. Beautifully written. My Sweetpea is chattering on about something from her crib on the other side of the wall...a reminder that we're so blessed to have this tiny wonderful person mostly to ourselves for just this short season. Then she'll be venturing out into the wide world, and like you, I'll be wondering where the time went.

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  4. Absolutely lovely!

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  5. You are an unbelievable woman, and a geat writer to boot. You make me want to do a better job mothering my own flock.

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  6. Beautifully written and so bittersweet. I cannot even imagine the day that my 6 year old leaves for college. I bawled my eyes out for a week straight when he went to kindergarten this year.
    You inspire me!
    ~Megan at www.ittysmitty.com

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  7. Your writing always touches me, ALWAYS. I can just picture the things you are describing and the feelings you are feeling. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You are in a very magical place of newness and oldness all mixed into the fabric your life is weaving. We watch them grow and wonder at the miracle of our children - I am glad you do too! ~Kelly

    unDeniably Domestic

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  9. Esther Rasmussen11:55 AM

    That is just the most beautiful post. My kids are 10 and 13, but I have older nieces and nephews and I can see that wistful look in my sisters' eyes and see that they are starting to not be needed in quite the same way. I could go on, but thankyou for your special interpretation of this new adventur and new time in your life.

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  10. Thank you for such a beautifully written, emotionally-tugging post.

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  11. We're in precisely the same shoes, only a year ahead of you. My oldest turns 18 this weekend, and the baby is one, with 5 others in between. (By the way, imagine the looks you get when the oldest is a strapping tall guy, and you're pregnant, and alone shopping together. We got plenty of dirty stares from people thinking he was Daddy!)
    Anyway, in a few months I'm coming up on the letting go. It gives me knots in my stomach, and excitement at the same time. It
    feels like the final exam of parenting... to see how he flies when he's launched.

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  12. Sitting her misty eyed . . . and my children are only 9 and 7. Time flies . . .

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  13. Wow.

    Poignant.

    Beautifully poignant.

    Reflective and rich.

    Life as it weaves its way from one soul to another and back again.

    .mac :)

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  14. Very sweet--bittersweet. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope I'm as gracious and aware when it happens to me.

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  15. Suzanne12:40 PM

    Thank you for sharing. I have done this and it is extremely difficult. Yes, there will be new beginnings, and they will be wonderful. However, let yourself grieve what is being left for the newness.
    Suzanne

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  16. This is beautiful, Anna Maria. It makes me appreciate my parents more, truth be told. Having two little ones myself, I can only imagine how hard it was for them to give me the space and the room to grow, to watch me leave and become myself. What a blessing they gave me.

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  17. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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  18. Being the mother of five with the oldest going to college in the Fall and the youngest still in diapers I relate to your emotional trek very well. We had our first at age 20 and it seems only lately that I realize my children aren't the only ones growing older. I think it's beautiful you are having another, my maternal instinct heart is envious!

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  19. Anonymous12:52 PM

    Thank you for opening your heart to us. I am teary eyed and aching to do get my children out of class early just to hug them.
    margie

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  20. Beautiful post - I am far away from these moments, yet I know they are just around the corner :) My second begins kindergarten next year . . .

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  21. I teared up reading this, and feel so muck akin to you through it. Our eldest was born when I was a slip of a thing at 20, still in school, the freak with the baby--and she was the beginning of me, the saving of me. Then and now, I learn who I am and who I want to be through her eyes. With our newest a scant 6 months old, we get those looks, people trying to figure out which radio button to click to best describe our family, and it always makes me giggle on the inside. we are US, and I'm so proud to be so. Thanks for putting it all in words, and for giving me a preview of life in 4 years when our girl is off to find a new home of her own--I'm already achy just thinking of it, but excited and anticipating how great it'll be for her...

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  22. Oh Anna - I'm in tears. What a beautiful post and I love how you wrote how each of them is the beginning of a new family, a new life. Time is so precious but it's easy to take for granted when you've cleaned up the same mess for the millionth time or stopped the same fight again :-)
    Thanks for sharing this - it was so precious!

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  23. Well, Anna, you summed it all so beautifully. My one-and-only is almost 17, so we shall be sending him off in another year. He's my first and last, so it all will be just a big ol' ball of emotions for me. I'll try not to dwell on it...thank you for the lovely sentiments.

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  24. Can you please write a book on parenting before I become one? Kthanks :)

    -Rachel

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  25. Sheesh! Pass the tissues please! My girls are still little and I hate to be away from them for even a few hours. The thought of them leaving for college scares the crap out of me! Thanks for sharing though...and the blanket is gorgeous.

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  26. Anna,
    I am very touched by Your post. I only have one little almost nine year old boy. I don't know how I will handle him getting ready to leave the nest. Sometimes it seems that we are on fast forward. God bless You!
    Melody

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  27. thanks for sharing the sweetness. I'm just beginning this mama-journey. Loving every last drop of it, even thru the exhaustion of the past 6.5 months! My daily reminder of the letting go process...Child of God, Child of Mine.

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  28. Thank you for speaking about what I feel. You captured the feeling exactly. My daughter graduated from college last May. *sob* :)

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  29. oh, so beautiful and so true that your family will be new and different with the new baby and the first one gone--what an exciting an different home yours will be! the blanket is lovely, too. what is that pattern? or maybe i am just crochet-illiterate.

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  30. BELLISSIMI COLORI!!!
    CIAO ELISA

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  31. Your posts have a way of making me tear up like none other. Just beautiful!

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  32. Beautifully written, and mine is a mere 15 months old. I can only imagine what that time will bring for us.

    On a completely side note, I love the blanket, any tips on the pattern :)

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  33. You are welcome. You continue to say (write) things that I have already thought/felt. Wow.

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  34. Teary here too. My oldest went off to college (across the country) last August & I still get emotional about it! We have begun the college searching process with #2.... blink & they are gone. so glad I still have 5 years with my "baby"

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  35. I was a teen mother too, and now my husband and I, in our early forties, are alone for the first time in our marriage (my youngest is 18 and far away at college). It's fun to watch my children become adults and friends, and it's fun to have the house, and our time, all to ourselves!

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  36. Great post :)

    Funny how life sneaks up on all of us.

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  37. Loving the colours of your ripple x

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  38. Beautiful colours!!

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  39. I totally understand! Both of my oldest girls moved out in January and it felt like a huge step in our lives. So exciting, but so sad at the same time. I talk to them all the time now and I am enjoying this new relationship of ours. I do certainly wish occasionally that we could rewind just a couple of years and do it again!

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  40. Dear Anna, I love you. Seriously you are such a great mother/designer/person. This post was wonderful and has left me with watery eyes. Thanks for sharing. Danielle

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  41. Maybe it's just PMS or nursing mom hormones, but that made me cry. You are truly at a special place in life and kudos for you for being reflective and not just getting through. You are obviously doing right by you, and your family.

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  42. Dear Anna,
    You put it so well. It IS a new family each time you add to it, you recreate the family a new... it's like a second chance really. I have a nearly 16 year old, 13 year old and special needs 7 year old and in the next two weeks we are going to welcome a new little baby into our family. I think that for ages I felt so apprehensive because I was't sure I was up to the job of making the new family again, but now she is nearly here and kicking my ribs to remind me she is ready to join us... I find my self growing to meet the task. Sorry this is the longest comment ever, but your blog dragged it out of me!!
    Hugs
    deb (very pregnant in NZ)

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  43. so beautiful, I love the chair too!

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  44. Sniff. Oh, that was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  45. I think the younger ones, and the new beginnings make it a little easier to let the older ones fly the coop. I'm not sure how I will do when the youngest leaves. Thanks for sharing.

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  46. Just stunningly beautiful Anna Maria - you should seriously write a memoir or something along those lines.
    Having just welcomed my first bub to the world it makes me want to have 5 more...

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  47. Awwwwwwww, bless woman.
    What beautiful words. What a beautiful journey.
    I moved away from my mama when I was still fairly young, but each new place and stage of the journey has been a deepening of our relationship and connection.
    It's all just so very, very beautiful. And filled with emotions.

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  48. Nice job makin' another preggo lady all teary eyed and sentimental. My oldest is only 3, but I know days like this are coming. Hopefully by then the one in my belly will have lots of little brothers and sisters to aid her in softening the blow that the departure of our first will be.

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  49. You have such poetic ease and flow to your words and stories - I had such goosebumps thinking of the warm and truly heartening irony of it all. I love the line from a late 90s song that says, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." Soooooo true! Sounds like your savoring and surviving!

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  50. What beautiful memories you brought back for me. I thought it was only yesterday that my husband and I were going through the same emotions, but I blinked and now we are awaiting the birth of our seventh grandchild. It's still all ahead of you, and the journey will be wonderful.

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  51. Thank you for sharing. I'm way on the other end of the spectrum and the idea of all these things to come is kind of overwhelming. Hearing your thoughts (emotions) is encouraging and comforting (and it makes me all misty eyed).

    Thanks again.

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  52. Its beautiful!!!
    Fantasticos colores.

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  53. So very beautifully written. It is the journey we walk with our children. How blessed we are to be the ones to take that walk with them!

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  54. Oh my, what a beautiful post from a mother's heart. I had my oldest child when I was just barely 20. When he turned 14 and I 34, I was petrified...I wasn't old enough to be the mother of a teenage boy...but we made it. I had 3 other children who are all grown and on their own now. Three of them have children of their own. I count myself very lucky and blessed to be the mother of these gifts from God. Thanks for sharing these thoughts from your heart.

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  55. "each new life in this house is also the beginning of a new family, a new mother, a new father"

    This is so well-put.

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  56. Anonymous7:25 PM

    I am the daughter of a wonderful mother who was a teenager when I was born. I spend so much time wishing I could make people understand the beauty of our lives, her energy, our connection. I applaud the joyous stories of youthful parenting energy and connection and the happy paths that can and do follow every day.

    Now I'm a mother of three and she's a young, energetic, and involved grandma. Every day is a blessing. Congratulations on this new chapter, the college thing is a new start indeed, and a good one! So much comes in to the relationship when distance (slight or great) and independence come in. Enjoy!

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  57. Indeed. Brings a tear to the eye.

    Best beginnings to all of you as you start this new chapter.

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  58. That was very beautiful, and so true. Thank you for sharing.

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  59. Wow. I'm in awe of you. I can't believe you've done so much, grown such a big family and also such an amazing repretoire of crafty colourful design amazingness. You're such a role model! I don't know how you do it but I aspire to it.

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  60. love the blanket and your thoughts. random ?... what fabric is on the chair? :) hope you are enjoying your week.

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  61. "Maybe the beginning of her. Just like she was the beginning of me."

    Wow, just really beautiful. With my girls at 7 and 5 I feel like they are still making me who I am every day, the thought of them going off to make themselves is a scary and wobbly one!

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  62. Donna9:00 PM

    You will find the grace to make it :-) My oldest has a daughter one week older than my youngest son :-) Oh yes, I know the stares that you recieved, so very well. It will all work out the way it should.

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  63. So this weekend we took our 2nd oldest grandchild upstate to look at colleges and this weekend we go the youngest ones 1st birthday. What a wonderful span of life and loving we have had. I know you and Jeff are enjoying the journey, thank you for sharing it with us.

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  64. Thankfully, my son chose to go to a local college the first year and that has really helped. I hate that he will leave next year and then the next will be our oldest daughter leaving us two still at home. She would love to go to Parson's but it is overwhelming for me. She spoke with a representative last year when she showed them her portfolio and they were very kind. They gave her lots of tips on what to show the colleges next year when she is a senior. My heart is to keep them close so I can meet them for lunch some days. I am trying not to block their road but it is so hard!! My heart goes out to everyone who is sending a child off to college.

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  65. Our lives seem to parallel at the moment (well, minus the pregnancy on my part, but oh how I wish...). My oldest of five graduates high school in just a bit over two months; where did the time go, who is this woman standing in front of me that once was my precious baby. Time is a bandit, and I have to endure this feeling of change yet four time more. There is no better term. . .emotional survival. . . is definitely it.

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  66. anna you have made this 37 weeks preggers shed a few tears tonight after reading this....beautifully written...makes me think of what lies ahead.such exciting times, new beginings and lots of emotions!

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  67. It was two years ago when our last child left home. I was so depressed for a whole year afterwards. I've since gotten a lap dog, dusted off my sewing machine and set it up in our wonderful loft to get started on some fun projects...just when things get settled into a new rhythm...child #2 comes back home for a bit. Seems strange when they come visit as adults. They want to be treated like adults and your baby.

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  68. Wow. Totally different circumstances, but optimism known as emotional survival is where I'm at. I love that you are real with us. What a full time for you. Full of everything. May God continue to bless your journey.

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  69. I live in Bradenton!
    I was so excited to read the portion about Ringling...I also thought it was an amazing experience you shared, thank-you. My little girl is 8 months and I still fell like people look at me funny...like she isn't really mine.

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  70. Absolutely, breathtakingly said! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  71. A beautiful story.

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  72. Jan Richards1:16 AM

    Love your blog. My husband often says we started out with the 4 of us. We have 2 daughters 33 and 35 and they each have married and have 2 and 3 children respectively. We now have 9 members of the family in addition to the 2 of us and the families of the sons-in-law and on and on. We love them all....yes, it was tough
    when the first one left for college,but we have learned that it is only in letting go that we truly have our children. Enjoy every phase of all 6 of your children...each is a precious gift.

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  73. what a wonderful post. thank you for writing it. i am a somewhat new mom (18 month old daughter) and you have my eyes welling thinking about the day when she starts looking at schools!

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  74. Beautiful words, beautiful pictures and beautiful yarn!! Thanks for sharing.

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  75. You got me. Here I am, sitting at my desk with tears in my eyes. For me, it's a son I am preparing for the world of art school, and even though he is over 6 feet tall and has dreadlocks and a hoodie, he will always be my little boy!

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  76. As I was reading this I thought how lovely it was. When I got to the comments section there were already 76 comments! Wow! Everyone thought it was lovely! I am mother to 8 and I understand all you felt when writing this. My baby (the first one, the beginning of me) had a baby of her own last year. What a lovely beginning that was! A beginning for my daughter and her husband and for my other children (the beginning of Aunt and Uncleships) and for my husband and I (we're grandparents!) Sometimes we focus too much on endings. But with endings there are always beginnings! Isn't life wonderful, no matter what we're up to.

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  77. I am a 38 year old mother to two boys, ages 6 and 1. When I read your stories I marvel at you, having the confidence and strength to become a mother at 19 (was it?) and now here you are adding to your family again. I am so impressed! (and that doesn't even take into account your lovely business, which of course is amazing!!).

    I love your closing thoughts about the changes that come with a new life. I sometimes wonder why I feel like things are so completely different now that Quinn is here with us. There were 5 years before him with just 3. But you said it, it *is* completely different, we're all different now. Thanks for the articulation.

    Best -

    Sarah

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  78. another teary eyed reader. that was very powerful. maybe it hit me harder since I am due any day now, and feel extra emotional. thanks for the reminder of the power of beginning...

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  79. The first thing I read this morning with my coffee...and it will stay with me today. a beautiful story, what a big step for you all.

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  80. What a beautiful post...I read it earlier and it resonated with me so I came back and I wanted to just tell you...how beautiful. Mine are still little, but you know, any reminder of what is to come is a gift for the moment.

    On another note: I just received some Trellis Stripe Ivory and Sketchbook Peachy Rose. I am blown away by their beauty and even though I am a spinner (yarn, not cycle), I now totally, totally want to become a (real) sewer...your work is so inspiring. I am making an ottoman and will post to your flickr group when it is finished. It is very difficult for me not to go order each and every one of your fabrics right now.

    AND I love your blog, it is really beautiful and you really amaze me with all you accomplish. It gives me hope that I may be able to get more of my imaginings into solid form during my lifetime!

    xo,
    Aimee
    aka Pancake and Lulu
    http://pancakeandlulu.etsy.com

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  81. Well, I subscribe to your blog because I'm a huge fan of your fabrics, but along the way I've become a huge fan of you. Today's post has me in tears it is so beautiful. I think you must be about my age (ok probably 2 years younger than me, but that is close enough) and I'm constantly amazed with your life. The success that you've had and the love that you are surrounded with... you are one lucky lady, and you clearly know that. My oldest is 9, and due to circumstances I've become a souless worker drone at a university so that in 9 years she and her siblings can have a FREE education. Reading your post makes it seem like 9 years is going to fly by... I wish you all the best on your new beginnings!

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  82. Anonymous9:41 AM

    what a beautiful post, am :) sometimes i think it's quite the gift to be so emotional during pregnancy - it can be quite cathartic really. & like in your case, actually helps to see the world more clearly :)
    thanks for sharing.

    kelly

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  83. Been there, sweety. I cried every day of my oldest daughter's senior year. Then cried more when we moved her into an apartment about three hours from home. That was 10 years ago. She's back living in the same city as us now and I like that much better.
    These children we've been given for a short time will pull at our heartstrings for the rest of our lives.

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  84. Holly9:57 AM

    Oh my, you've made me a bit misty eyed. Beautifully said, thank you for sharing.

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  85. This was beautiful...good luck to your whole family on these new adventures.

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  86. water works10:07 AM

    I very much understood the sentiments you expressed. As we transition our oldest to middle school and all it's adventures, we look forward to greeting number four later this year. And I think that when my oldest is leaving for college, my youngest will only be starting kindergarden. Oh the transitions we have. Now for an important question....what beautiful yarn are you using on that blanket????

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  87. Anonymous10:41 AM

    I just came across your blog and am in love. Thanks for the great stories, beautiful pictures and wonderful links!

    Laura Bamburak
    www.AmericanCraft.com
    http://buyersmarketblog.typepad.com/wholesalematters/

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  88. Anonymous11:00 AM

    My biggest is starting kindergarten in the fall - so this post has me bawling at what seem like similarities between leaving for college and being five. Everything you say is so true here. And as perfect as it all is, it's still quite...well, I choke on my heart in my throat quite often lately.

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  89. It is hard to let the chicks fly the nest, but I think you are being smart about it. Your trip sounds great. I wondered the whole time if Juliana will know her new little sister/brother very well?

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  90. Call it lingering hormonalness from having my first child, or imagining a moment like you are having someday happening in my life. Anyway, here is a poem I HAD to write about sewing for an dhoping for your baby.

    A mother sews

    I began stitching before you were born.
    Weaving together my hopes and fears.
    Working blisters into hands that turned
    as you spun inside me.

    Now, I unravel the threads to knit and fret.
    I cut budgets and I cut my new blouse
    to ensure there is enough for you.
    I imagine the wrinkles
    and attempt to iron them out
    before you have even made them

    As you grow,
    I will watch you tear through the weak places.
    You will rip the seams
    even as I attempt to bind them

    Some day you find the garment no longer fits you.

    I will watch as you discard it.
    And I will fear that my work was wasted

    Years later
    I hope you will find it,
    think of me,
    and be warm.

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  91. tears! Thank you for sharing this. I admire you for being able to see this new beginning with such open eyes. What a lucky daughter.

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  92. so beautiful. such a true perspective. thank you for sharing these thoughts.

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  93. Jeez do you have a way with words and an aptitude for pulling at the heart strings! What a wonderful entry, I could picture all of it in my head beautifully. Thank you. You've brightened my very dull and cloudy day over in England.

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  94. What a nice little trip- and prob. a difficult one too...

    this is way off topic- but is there a pattern avaliable somewhere for the eggs that you made around Easter time a year or so ago? I've beeb trying, because it seems a simple enough project, but a pattern maker I am not...

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  95. Anonymous1:02 PM

    Beautiful! If you ever start to doubt just go back and read what you have written.

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  96. Beautiful entry. I am at the end of sending children off and it feels the same even if you have done it before.

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  97. Oh, goodness, so you're a poet, too. What can't you do, Mrs. Horner?!

    I'm wiping away my tears right now-- lovely. Thank you.

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  98. What a beautiful afghan. I love to crochet and knit socks. I wanted to let you know about my Donation Drawing Giveaway over at Please let your friends know about the Giveaway! Have a wonderful day! Blessings, Mikki Jo

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  99. Anna Maria, this is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. I am on the verge of starting a family of my own and reading this brought me to tears. Beautiful doesn't do this justice...

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  100. Anonymous1:37 PM

    I am a baby who was born when oldest sister went to college. It really was like we had different Moms. And I loved the one I got! She enrolled in college when I was a junior and was my terrific roommate for awhile!
    I think each new child creates a new Mom and a new Dad out of us.

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  101. I am loving your mama posts. Reading you fuels my desire to create—usually something fiber-related, but more than ever something flesh and blood-related. If I ever make it that far, I will join the ranks of the stared-at, 'cause I'm even older than you are.

    (Not that you're old.)

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  102. Oh! This post made me so teary-eyed, Anna! I, also a very young mother, am watching my eldest as he (though still only just reaching nine years) treads into new waters, steps onto new roads, is now interested in newer stores and books and non-cartoons... It is such a bitter sweet time, isn't it? Every time I have one of these moments of realization, it makes me all the more appreciative of my parents, and of my Father in heaven. Lord, give us the ability to let go and allow our children to grow up and have their own beginnings. It is so hard to do. Okay, now I'm really crying.

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  103. Anonymous5:59 PM

    I, too, was pregnant with my sixth child while making the college rounds with my, then, senior daughter. She left for her freshman year with me waving at her through a blur of my own tears as my, then, husband drove her off towards the beginning of her new life. One week later, her baby brother was born. She was not able to meet him until flying home some weeks later... I will forever remember her taking her baby brother from my arms at the airport and the two just staring at one another. I, too, was a teenaged mother... I hear and remember every word you say and all the feelings behind the word. Thank you for the rememberence and all the best to you... all of you.

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  104. Beautiful pictures! I love the painted bowl.

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  105. boy that really brings memories when I first ran around with my daughter the doctor now. So did she pick NYU or Columbia. You see I'm a native NEWYORKER and I love my city. My daughter picked Princeton then Yale...I now have moths in my pockets LOL. The thing is thats our mothers role, until the apron strings and let them go and hope for the best. You know she will do well, look at the family she came from. I see it in your blog and you know what I missed her everyday but loved when she came home with 5 of her friends every break. :)

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  106. Lovely, Anna. So sweet and well said....you're amazing!

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  107. I love the color arrangement and also have to thank you for a lovely story.
    Emotion and optimism is what life is all about.
    Always look forward.
    :)

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  108. always inspiring, always beautifully written, thank you for sharing!

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  109. This morning, at like 5:30, I found myself exhausted (I'm due with #3 in 6 weeks) and lying (ok, sandwiched stiff) between my 18 month old and 3 year old on the bed after my husband had gone to work. I couldn't sleep and your post came mind and both soothed and saddened me with the idea that it won't be like this forever. Thank you.

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  110. Anonymous10:48 PM

    Read with tear-filled eyes. Thank you for sharing.

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  111. I love reading your blog.
    Although I sew occasionally for myself, as an artist I truly appreciate your designs, form and color. Color is such a large part of our world and can truly inspire us in life.
    -nina
    http://www.thecanvasdog.com

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  112. Thanks for the tender post. I am empty-nested for two years now, at age 49, with both the younger son at college and the older son working several states away. It definitely is bittersweet, but a time that MUST come, because as you said, it is the BEGINNING of THEIR own life too. You can look at it as an end for yourself, but its also a beginning. I've experienced that the past two years...what am I going to do with MY new chapter...new beginning.

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  113. what you wrote revealed me what i feel to see my sons growing up. Life goes on and it is dificult sometimes to let go but it is a reality that it is always a start of something new. Even if i am scared, I really look for it...

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  114. I don't have children yet but I love the image of life marching on, one life after another...beautiful.

    Good luck with the transition!

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  115. Your words are perfect for me today. My youngest will be leaving in the fall and as much as I want her to go...I was selfishly wishing she would stay. Thank you for reminding me of the new beginnings on the horizon for all of us.
    Lynn

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  116. Beautiful post. Ummmm, hope you don't mind my asking, but - if I'm not mistaken perhaps? - did you say something about your patterns (and maybe kits) that you tempted us with months ago being available sometime in February? Can you provide a status update sometime perhaps? Eagerly awaiting.... :-)

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  117. You can say it any time you wish - especially if you say it like that.

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  118. I have two children in college with one getting to graduate in May. Another beginning but yet, also an ending. To be honest, those first few months are so difficult for mom but it does get better and when you are together it is such a sweet time. I have ended up treasuring those special trips and moments together. May your family be blessed during all these new beginnings. :)

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  119. Daisy Cottage3:47 PM

    ((((Anna))))))
    You are such a good Mommy..

    And your girl will always be around.. our families are the circles that NEVER end. They just widen.

    Love to you,
    Kim

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  120. I learn so much from you about being a good mom... I always knew I only had a short time with my children, but I guess you're never ready to let them go! I do know that I needed my parents through college and into my adulthood... even today. Mothering is the one job that never ends. Congrats to Juliana for growing into the young woman she is right now... she is amazing Anna Maria!!!

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  121. Oh how bittersweet. It makes my heart ache for you.

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  122. I really like what you do...you can't imagine how much...You are very inspiring for me because I'm a new blogger and craftier :)

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  123. I love the vignette at the top of this post! I really love that chair and its pillow, too ;) I also love what you said about your daughter. I can't wait to see how my (now 9 year old) daughter's life unfolds as she enters that phase in her life, too. Wishing you much emotional strength! Take care.

    Melanie

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  124. lovely post. My two both left home, jr. year of high school. when it was younger brother's turn to go...older sister (by 5 yrs)was heading to law school at George Washington. I went into a horrible hermit stage- only doing the dishes when I ran out of spoons & cups...not making my bed...barely turning on lights...just sitting w/my cat...but they come back to you, too. now older sister is a lawyer in dc- next door to the white house & little brother is in jr yr of college & he calls me for dinner (o.k., money, too) every now & then.
    you'll be fine. we adjust. and now, I have my baby puprs corgi girl to give me love.

    hugs, Cheryl in Indiana (Whosyergurl)

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  125. With posts as beautiful as this - you can linger on the sentimental subject as long & often as you want. It was beautiful & a pleasure to read.

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  126. absolutelt beautiful

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  127. Oh so sweet, and I am glad you took the time to write it down. You and Julianna will love looking back and reading this together someday!

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  129. Lisa P.9:34 PM

    This made me cry. Isn't love so wonderful, sad-and-happy all at once?

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  130. I had my first little girl the day my oldest started college and my youngest was starting 1rst grade! Finally all my 4 boys would be in school all day! Then came Mary! Then, when my oldest was getting married...yup...Mom got to announce to everyone (while the mother of the bride was crying...her second and last daughter to be married) I was 3 months pregnant! It was a day of joy for me. 6 months later, Daddy had his 50th birthday, next day was our 25th wedding anniversary, and 2 weeks later John was born! It's a wonderful life! :-)

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  131. Oh you made me cry at your comment about sleepless nights "just the 2 of you". . . I've been *begging* my 1 1/2 year old to sleep through the night. Now, through these tears you've created, I realized that once he stops sleeping through the night - we won't have those quiet nights alone ;( Thanks for showing me the silver lining.xoxo

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  132. It's not often out here in the sometimes Fake Blogland, to read such truth. I myself just poured out my emotions regarding my 11 year old. Cathartic is was, as I am sure this was for you. Thanks for writing as I sure enjoyed reading.

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  133. Love ya, Anna. Eloquently put. I'm having the same pains over middle school. I can't imagine how hard college will be.

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  134. Love that line..."Maybe the beginning of her. Just like she was the beginning of me."
    So perfectly expressed and so very true. Wishing you all the best with these changes to come.
    (....I was there on those sidewalks that day too and it would have been a great surprise to see you again!) xoC

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  135. New beginnings can be beautiful.

    One of my friends remarried last year and a couple of months ago shared that she was pregnant. Imagine the stares she'll get when her oldest son graduates from college next month!! After getting over the shock of it all she and her husband are feeling more and more blessed every day. Love those new beginnings!

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  136. VERY sweet post!!! I am new hear and went from oohing and aahing over all the GORGEOUS colors here on your blog to crying!!! Great writing from the heart!!!

    His,
    Mrs. U

    PS- Any chance you would share your afghan pattern? It's LOVELY!!!

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  137. I just love this blankie. My grandma used to make blankets just like that for me and for my older children. She passed away three days after my son was born in February, after a long illness, and he never got his special blankie from her. Seeing this one warms my heart, and makes me miss her. Those handmades are such a treasure!

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