Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Hey, where do you think you're going?
Every weekday for two weeks now the weirdest thing has been happening. Little Eleni, yea, I said little...teeny tiny Eleni is up and dressed at the crack of dawn. What could possibly be so important? Shoes too? Really? As in you're leaving the house? Certainly not. Neh-nuh neh-nuh no.
Just days ago she was flitting her sparkley self around the house barefoot from one adventure to another. Some with me, some without me. All of them near me. I could hear the adventures, and would look up from my work sometimes to see them. It was good. I was happy. She was happy. But now. Well. Eleni started a new adventure. Pre-school. Sigh. In fact I haven't even been able to write about this until now. I have been a bit reflective though, huh? I thought I would feel like 16 years of waiting would make me happy to have all the children cared for during the day. Happy would not describe this feeling. It's an ache of sorts. I can't explain it. My nose starts to sting like tears are about to come when I think about the silence in the house. The sparkleys just hanging there with no one to dance them from one room to another. My lap is like this big empty space that makes it really easy to type with no one's sweet smelling head in my face while I try to see the monitors. Then the swelling feeling around the heart comes. It feels tragic even though I know its right.
Back to Eleni. She's been in tears too. She cries every time I pick her up to bring her home. She can't stand the thought of not playing with her 14 new best friends, learning from her two favorite teachers, eating yummy prepared hot meals (everyday at 12 on the nose!), napping on fancy little cots and experiencing one outer-home adventure after another. Every morning I remind her that she need not put herself through the torture of a ride to school with Daddy and the unspeakable torment of memorizing all the street names and buildings between our house and the newly built architecture-award-nominated little perfect school. But she goes anyway. She goes anyway!
Not only does she go but she waits to go as though being here is the torture. Being here is great! Are you kidding me?! Theres pajamas. Coffee. Phone calls. Errands. Writing. Blogging. Camera malfunctions. Laundry. UPS shipments. Me! I'm here! What's not to love, I tell you??
Okay. Go. Just be back here before dark and promise to sparkle and sing and tell me every detail of every minute of every day of your time without me. And hug me harder from now on. It's imperative. Lets arrange some time with me trying to write with you in my lap for old time's sake, 'kay? I love you and you are growing to be an impressively lovely girl. Mean it.